How Soon Is Too Soon To Move In?
MAKING MOVES
Are you thinking about moving in with your partner? If so, you're not alone. According to a study by the Pew Research Center, about one-third of couples in the United States are cohabiting.
It's also become more widely accepted to move in with your partner before marriage. A study by the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University found that in 1960, about 68 percent of couples who got married had already lived together. That number increased to 90 percent by 2010.
While there are many benefits to living together, it's important to remember that moving in isn't a decision to be taken lightly. Here are a few things to keep in mind if you're asking yourself "how soon is too soon to move in?"
ALIGN ON PERSONAL VALUES
We all have our own unique set of values, and how we feel about certain issues is based on how those values are shaped.
For example, whether or not you think it's important to recycle can depend on your beliefs about how much damage is caused by disposable products. If how you were raised taught you that recycling keeps waste off the street and helps the environment, then you're likely to be more environmentally conscious and recycle regularly.
Your partner's values are likely to be shaped by how they were raised, too. It's important to write down personal values to share with one another before you move in together.
Some other examples of values include how important it is to spend time with family, how involved you'd like to be with your neighborhood, or how much debt you're comfortable carrying.
You don't have to share all of your personal value statements right away – just the ones that might affect how you live together.
For some couples, moving in together is a natural step as the relationship progresses. For others, it's a big decision that might require more significant planning.
Before you move in with your partner, establish how long you'll be testing the waters of cohabitation before making a final decision to take the plunge. And decide how often you'll be evaluating how it's going.
If you find that you're both struggling to maintain your individuality after moving in, or if you become increasingly isolated from friends and family, then it might be time to rethink how much togetherness is healthy for your relationship.
“living together is an art”
ESTABLISH THE TEST PERIOD
For some couples, moving in together is a natural step as the relationship progresses. For others, it's a big decision that might require more significant planning.
Before you move in with your partner, establish how long you'll be testing the waters of cohabitation before making a final decision to take the plunge. And decide how often you'll be evaluating how it's going.
If you find that you're both struggling to maintain your individuality after moving in, or if you become increasingly isolated from friends and family, then it might be time to rethink how much togetherness is healthy for your relationship.
DISCUSS THE GROUND RULES
When you live with someone, you're not just sharing a space, you're sharing your life. That means you need to establish some ground rules.
Who will do the dishes? Will there be separate bedrooms? How often are nights out okay? Will exceptions be made when it comes to chores?
It might be helpful to have a list of rules that you can both refer to, as well as outlining which rules are non-negotiable, and which rules can be made flexible.
DECORATING 101: FIND A STYLE YOU CAN BOTH LIVE WITH
Home decorations and interior style can have a big impact on living situations. If you and your partner can't agree on a style, it can be difficult to make decisions about how to furnish the space.
If one person is into modern minimalism and the other wants to deck the place out with antiques, there will likely be some arguments about what goes where.
To avoid this type of conflict, try to align your styles as much as possible. You can have one or two pieces that are different, but try to keep the majority of the house styled similarly (at least in terms of how you prefer things to look).
Though it may seem like a simple thing, how you style your space can make a big difference in how much happiness and comfort you feel in it. So how can you find a style that works for both of you?
When you live with someone, you're not just sharing a space, you're sharing your life. That means you need to establish some ground rules.
Who will do the dishes? Will there be separate bedrooms? How often are nights out okay? Will exceptions be made when it comes to chores?
ALIGN ON FUTURE PLANS
When you move in with someone, you may hope that an engagement or wedding might happen someday. But it's important to be realistic about how your living situation will affect those plans.
If one or both of you is not interested in marriage, it might be a good idea to reconsider cohabitation.
On the other hand, if marriage is in your future, it's important to discuss how and when you'd want to make that happen
Moving in with your partner is a big decision that should be made based on how well you know them and how much you're willing to commit to the relationship. If you're not ready for the level of commitment that comes with living together, then moving in might not be the best idea.
Although if you are able to have an open dialogue with your partner and have aligned values and priorities, moving in might be a great option for the next step in your relationship.